I had been suicidal off and on for years before my full attempt. I had a couple other almost attempts & many plans.
Unfortunately, my decisions such as resigning from my job, were so shortsighted because I didn’t think I’d be alive much longer.
I also didn’t access a lot of the support available (eg LTDI) because since my problems were mental more than physical I didn’t feel I qualified.
There are a lot of resources out there, if you’re struggling please explore these. Mental health issues are being taken more seriously now, so it’s getting easier to access help.
Something that kept me going for a long time was every night when I hugged my son to sleep, I wanted to be there to hug him again just one more day.
Procrastinating was good in this case.
I wish so much I had waited to hug my son & daughter to sleep that night I jumped off a bridge.
It happened just after dinner.
I was just too determined (impulsive) that night to follow through on what I somehow thought was best for everyone at the time.
If you’re struggling like I was, please give yourself more time. Things will get better. Please tell someone what you’re thinking and let them help you.
Something else that kept me going for a while was looking ahead to my next doctor/therapist appointments. Thinking I can make it another week until my next appointment.
It was similar to a strategy I used to use when running long distances. Setting my goal to make it just to the next stop sign, then doing that again & again until reaching the longer goal.
I’m trying to focus on just one day at a time or one goal at a time now during my physical recovery so I don’t get overwhelmed & its helping.
One of Alcoholics Anonymous’ helpful slogans is “One day at a time”. Sometimes just one hour at a time if one day is too much.
Kevin Hines, a suicide attempt survivor & suicide prevention advocate, says “be here tomorrow”.
If anyone reading this is struggling, please
“Be here tomorrow”,
just one more day,
“one day at a time.”
If, like me, you want to follow through on something, follow through on being here tomorrow.
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher
Another helpful AA reading is:
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow…
“There are two days in every week
about which we should not worry,
Two days which should be kept free of fear and apprehension.
One of these days is YESTERDAY,
With its mistakes and cares,
Its faults and blunders,
Its aches and pains.
YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY.
We cannot undo a single act we performed;
We cannot erase a single word we said.
YESTERDAY is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW
With its possible adversities, its burdens, its larger promise.
TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.
TOMORROW, the sun will rise,
Either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,
But it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW
For it is as yet unborn.
This leaves only one day – TODAY.
Any man can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities
– YESTERDAY and TOMORROW –
That we break down.
It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad.
It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY
And the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.
Let us, therefore, live but ONE day at a time.”